Journey of the Heart ~♥~

I don't get out very often, but every couple of weeks I try to get to the store. With one look out my window I decided to wait for the snow to melt... there will be sunshine in a couple of days.

It seems I have spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting to write until I feel better. I told myself it didn't matter. What did I really have to say anyway. Bottom line, it is not about what I have to say...it is about what God has to say and Christ in me. There have been so many lessons the Holy Spirit has put on my heart. I would discuss a few with friends and think..."I will put that down when I feel better." Well...feel better never came...feel better may never come. Maybe that is the greater lesson. The lesson of perseverance in adversity.

I struggle believing that people can be blessed even with something that is less than perfect. It is not about "me" anyway...It is... "Christ in me, the hope of glory" Colossians 1-27. Instead of waiting for the sunshine...I needed to wait for the Son to Shine. I have let in too much darkness. The enemy had me thinking I just might take these lessons to the grave.

Sometimes when I walk around the cemetery while visiting my parents graves I think "this is probably the largest collection of unfulfilled dreams...people who died before their visions were realized." I pray I can endure. I pray I don't die before my visions are realized. I pray I don't let the enemy steal my dreams. I pray I can begin to live an abundant life. For my friends who might be struggling also...

Are you waiting for everything to be perfect? Do you have analysis paralysis? Don't die before your visions are realized. Don't let the enemy still your dreams. Don't wait to live an abundant life.

Have you ever felt like you just didn't fit in? Is this all there is? Why am I here, and for what reason? Have you ever wondered why my life seems to just be drifting along without any apparent plan. Does God really care? Does He really know what I am going through? There are times I wonder...there are times I feel like I am just waiting to die.

I believe most of us have experienced some of these at one time or another. Whether it's due to the stress of our fast paced society, sickness or some other form of ordeal, we need to keep this in mind...the devil always wants to get us into the place of despair. Feeling as if there is no hope and that we are the only one that is experiencing this type of anguish.

If you are a born again Christian, then what you are going through may be a partial truth, but it's not the total truth. You may be experiencing great financial trouble, but the Word of God says that He takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant! Sickness and disease may be ravaging your body, but the Word of God says that by His stripes you were healed!

The Word of God tells us that we have been given favor from the Lord, it's our inheritance as child of God. You may not be experiencing it at this very moment, but you can if you will focus on the total truth and begin to expect favor instead of lack and trouble.

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:11-12)

Remember this truth... If things can go wrong, they can just as easily go right! Each of us has been given a unique and individual purpose that cannot fail if we will cast off fear and stop listening to the lies of the devil. So, shake off that feeling of dread and despair. Get back into fellowship with the Father and put on the garment of praise, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

"I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

When we struggle with pain and suffering it is difficult to believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made, but trust that God had a plan in mind when he formed you. Sometimes I think about what I could accomplish if I had a healthy body and mind. Thinking I might better serve the Lord if I had better abilities.

I would be able to do more, go more, be more; but I suspect it might not be more of what God had planned for me. I suspect God knows that I would be so caught up in my own agenda I would loose site of His perfect will. If I wasn’t forced to be still I wouldn’t be able to hear His voice as clearly.

So, I will rejoice that God has a plan for me, just as I am, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made...made for this life I am living.

On this Saint Patrick's Day instead of asking if you are wearing your green... the question should be... Are you "green" with envy?

Do you begrudge another’s good fortune because you feel the good fortune should have been yours? Does it make you uncomfortable when someone has more acclaim, prestige, or possessions than you? Do you ever speak with contempt, or unkindness, or severity about someone with more than you? Do you have any tinge of satisfaction when someone who has more than you is "brought down?" Do you carry old grudges?

Envy/covetousness is one of the deadly sins to which no one readily confesses and yet it is rare to find anyone completely free of its grasp. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." Exodus 20:17

Envy will always destroy relationships. Often it is a relative who seems to be the most envious and this person can drive families apart. Envious people often tear down another’s accomplishments by belittling or sometimes subtly uttering well-aimed negative comments. Have you ever gone to a person to share good news? The look of ambivalence you received lets you know you hit an “envy nerve.”

Envy is counting another's blessings instead of your own. If you are honest with yourself, everyone would have to admit they have experienced envy at some point in their life. It's the battle with our flesh that wants to say "what about me." However, if you simply are unable to bear the good fortune of others then "the green-eyed monster" has captured your heart.

What spirit do you now find as you search your heart? Individuals attempting to deal with problems of jealousy and envy should strive for critical and realistic evaluation of their own capabilities, both positive and negative. After making the evaluation, they should then give thanks for their strengths and recognize that it is usually impossible to possess everything in life that is valued.

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." Galatians 5:24-26.

Most of my life was spent raising my three children. I was a stay-at-home mom for 22 years and have been divorced for 15. My daughter, was a rehabilitation therapist before she was diagnosed with cancer. She is married to a firefighter/paramedic. They have two daughters. My oldest son enjoys traveling around the world and works on generators. My youngest son works in New Media.

After my divorce I tried to pursue a Masters in Computer Education. I have a Bachelor of Science from Indiana University. My goal was to equip adults with the technical skills necessary for returning to the modern workplace. Unfortunately, I became too ill to continue in the Masters program. After years of struggle it became necessary for me go on disability. I live with constant pain and illness.

I had vitek proplast-teflon implants placed in my face after a jaw injury . They were defective, contaminated, and recalled by the FDA. There is documentation that this company knew these implants would cause devastation of catastrophic proportions. In some people it actually ate through their skull and became imbedded in their brain. Within 3 months the implants had eroded the bones in my face and gone through my bloodstream affecting my entire body causing an autoimmune response. The implants were removed after 5 years, but not before the toxins devastated my body.

Most people find it difficult to believe what I am dealing with since I usually have a smile on my face. Trust me it is far less painful to be joyful than negative, bitter, and focused on your pain. I choose to be thankful for what I have and not to be complaining about what I do not have or can not do. Yes, there are days I am sad and lonely, days when I am delirious from the pain, days I don’t have the strength to feed myself…let alone make it to the store if I am out of food.

Yet, with all this I choose to be joyful and content in the Lord. For…the joy of the Lord is my strength. Every day is a struggle, but I will continue to praise the Lord. In His presence there is joy. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is freedom from pain. Even though life is a struggle, I know I can endure when I am walking close to God through His son Jesus Christ. That is where I find peace, that is where I find love, and that is where I find contentment. I might be crying on the outside, but in my soul there is joy...

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

I try to blog and share when I have the strength. I write two blogs, Bren's Blog and Journey of the Heart. I contribute on HeartCry.