Journey of the Heart ~♥~

Few of us have made it through life without dealing with controlling people. They're your boss, spouse, parent, child. They make life difficult and crush the weak. Always demanding their selfish desires be met. Sometimes their goals are altruistic but their motivation is from the flesh or a controlling spirit. Even though some people are perceived to be more controlling than others, the truth is, we all can be controlling at some time or in some situations. It is a battle we all must learn to overcome.

I have read many books on controlling people. There was a time in the church when many were trying to cast out a "controlling/Jezebel spirit." The problem is, they are all focused on symptoms and behaviors. I have heard it said, "there is nothing you can do about the controlling spirit in the church." Yes, it is everywhere. I believe no one has found a solution because they approached it as a behavioral problem or a spiritual problem. Not that those issues don't need to be dealt with, but we must begin at the root of the problem...the heart.

The heart is the center most part of our being, our innermost thoughts and feelings. It controls our personality, emotions, behaviors, and attitudes. Proverbs 4:23 says, everything you do flows from your heart. The Lord searches our hearts night and day. What will He find there? A heart surrendered to God and the call of the Holy Spirit or a heart divided...tangled up in the the things of this world and the desires of the flesh.

The heart determines the path we will follow. A heart surrendered will follow the narrow path. A heart consumed with self and evil intentions will follow the broad road. A heart divided will follow the broken road. That is the road I have found myself on many times. I know I am not alone.

Whenever we become self absorbed, we open ourselves to the wrong spirit, which only leads to destruction. Praise God...we have a savior who died for our sins! We have a Heavenly Father who waits with open arms for the prodigal son to return home. No matter how many times we fall He is there to pick us up and make us whole again!
"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

The unguarded heart has big flashing signs "open doors...come on down" and that is exactly what the enemy will do when you do not understand how imperative it is to keep your heart guarded. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else" nothing you do is more important than guarding your heart because everything you do flows from your heart. The heart is the center most part of our being, our innermost thoughts and feelings. It controls our personality, emotions, behaviors, and attitudes. Now the most important question is...

Who is controlling your heart?

A guarded heart is under the control of God, submitted to Christ, surrendered to the will of the Holy Spirit. Always being vigilant, always aware, ready to push back and destroy the enemy whenever he approaches. For me, I understood the need, had the desired, but was clueless about the process. Picturing myself as a guard made about as much sense as picturing myself in metal armor clamoring around going to shoo the devil away. Analogies are good for the enlightened, but can leave simple folk, such as myself, scratching their heads.

Simply put, guarding your heart is about discipline. Yep, anyone who has ever tried to loose weight knows how difficult that can be in the flesh. Here's the good news...we are not in this alone. I for one am not capable of prolonged acts of discipline. So, it is really about surrender. Surrendered to God, to say, "I can't do this alone, Jesus Take the Wheel, help me have the discipline to guard my heart. Help me to be disciplined enough to take every action, thought, and word captive so that it is pleasing to You."

I have made more mistakes than I care to remember. I personally must remain in prayer to guard my heart against romantic feelings. Not only for myself, but for others. I know the schemes of the enemy... "been there bought the t-shirt"...and really have a heart for the lonely. Especially when you are recovering from a divorce. Your heart is torn into and the unhealed heart is desperate to be made whole... looking for someone to fill the void.

I have learned it is easy to get distracted and caught up longing for something outside of God's plans...even if you believe it is God's plan. If God has a spouse for you, He will speak to the other person as well...if not...I am sorry you have been deceived. If you are married God is not going to bring someone else in your life, even if they are more "spiritual." These are all schemes of the enemy. Nip it, the first thought of what if, I want, or we could really do something for The Lord together.

It is our responsibility to not only take control of our actions, but our thought life. If you can't... pray. If you still can't... that is why we need the body. Other believers holding us up, standing in the gap, when the enemy has taken control of an unguarded heart. When the enemy takes control of an unguarded heart it becomes a source of defilement. You should not be too proud or embarrassed to ask for help. Whether it is controlling your thoughts, habits or your TONGUE!

"He [Jesus] went on: 'What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.'” Mark 7:20-23

Many people think guarding their heart means keeping people away and putting walls around yourself so no one can get in. They build walls and put up barricades thinking, if I don't let anyone close, I am not going to get hurt. It only serves to distance yourself from God and people, because before long that wall is going to turn into a hard heart. It is also the lazy way out. They put up walls dust of their hands and think that's that. Unfortunately, the enemy knows you are not paying attention and sends in his minions to crawl right over that wall and attack.

A guard is someone who stands on watch keeping an eye out ready to take action whenever the enemy approaches. It is a defensive position of one assigned to protect. That is what it means to guard your heart. Always being vigilant, always aware, ready to push back and destroy the enemy whenever he approaches. They also yield and open the gates for their Lord and comrades. Then they are back keeping watch. Keeping watch to protect from all the little things that can keep us distracted and big things that can destroy your heart.

The enemy can approach in various ways. Little ways by keeping us busy, entertaining things that undermined your faith, situations and people. The guard stands vigilant not to let the enemy in and ready to push back the arrows that try to kill and maim. The enemy sends arrows of anger, pride, worthlessness, lust, strife, control, greed, impatience...and anything contrary to the Love of God. If you are not vigilant these things will begin to manifest in your life.

I have learned nothing can get to your heart like romantic feelings. After all it is "love"...what could be wrong with "love"...we are called to "love"...right? We are called to Agape love, but so many people do not understand the difference. Preston has many blogs on the subject. Still... reading, understanding, and applying is a process. We are wired to desire a mate. We are bombarded with romance and Fairy Tales. The enemy barely has to wink to get our feelings, mind, and spirit confused.

I thought "love" makes the world go round and to be loving was to open your heart to everyone. Wrong! The guard opens the gate for their Lord and comrades...not the enemy! We open our heart to receive the salvation of Jesus Christ, to find comfort in the arms of The Father, to grow in the presence and knowledge from the Holy Spirit. We open our hearts with Agape love in fellowship with believers and binding the wounds of the injured we met along our path. We do not open our hearts to people, situations, or THOUGHTS that will divert our path or damage our heart.

The enemy knows if he can get to your heart he can keep you from the fullness of a relationship with Christ and the body. Are you guarding your heart? It took me years to understand. Not only was there no guard on my heart. I had big flashing signs "open doors...come on down." That is something I have learned the hard way, by not keeping watch... not understanding how to keep watch or how to guard my heart. It is a process I am continually learning.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" Proverbs 4:23.

People who have a heart for God have a desire for more of God in their life. Just as you hunger for food, and thirst for water, those with a heart for God have a soul which hungers and thirsts for God. Have you ever been out of soda, coffee, milk, or whatever your flesh desires? When you come home from the store all you can think about is diving in before you even put away the rest of your groceries. Our flesh is so weak we can't go a day or a few hours without the object of our desire. That is the desire our soul should have toward God.

Yet so many times the desires of my flesh keep me from that intimate relationship that I desire. I am distracted by busyness, hunger, loneliness, and pain. I know living in God's heart is living in His Love. It is so easy to "say" I love you. We will send Valentines and post it on walls, but is that real. Is that the love that comes from the heart of God? We are bombarded by so many distractions, so many versions of love in our life and on the media, that I believe the enemy is trying to distort and pervert our concept of love.

God has created our hearts to be filled by Him. There is an empty place in all of our hearts that only can be filled by God. If it is not we start looking...looking for things to fill that void. It can be food, activities, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, and anything else the world has to offer, but mostly relationships. Especially women, we are taught from an early age that our "prince Charming" will sweep us away and our life will be a fairy tale. It sets us up to replace that void for the "love" of a man. If you haven't experienced or been taught at an early age to fill that void with God you believe that is love.

Then the inevitable happens when your heart is filled with the wrong things. Relationships end and your heart is torn in two. Then you are back looking for another relationship to fill the void and take away the pain...and the cycle goes on and on. Or maybe out of commitment or necessity you stay in an empty relationship. You pretend you are not doing anything wrong when your eyes and heart start to wander to someone more spiritual or more attentive than your spouse. See...you are looking for someone else to fill that void...that emptiness. You are looking for something that only God can give you. So many marriages could be saved if they only understood this.

The problem when your heart is broken and filled with holes you leak everywhere. You are filled one minute and empty the next. So, How do you repair a broken heart...that's the lyrics in many a song. It wouldn't be so popular if there weren't so many broken hearts. That's what happens when you travel down the wrong path. First you have to recognize you have taken a detour. That's the journey I will be discussing...how did we get in the wrong direction and how do we get back on the path of wholeness.

Have you ever felt like something is missing? You are saved and yet you don't feel whole? Maybe you no longer feel the joy and victory that was once prominent in your life. I have been feeling like that lately. This has been a very difficult season for me. I have been trying to write for days. I have several topics started and never got the freedom to finish.

I have prayed...read scripture...cried out to the Lord...seeked His Face...still it alluded me. Little by little the Lord has been guiding me... leading me. First I changed the name of the blog to "Journey of the Heart." I began thinking it would just be a compliment to "HeartCry"...then realized no...it is a journey of the heart.

I needed to go back to where my journey detoured and allow the Holy Spirit to clean and restore my heart. Years ago the Lord gave me a teaching on the heart that I shared with a group of ladies I was teaching. I have an outline and notes, but I never completed the teaching. The enemy attacked. My husband left me and I have spent years in a whirlwind on a detoured journey.

As I was going through the notes my eyes open to how it all fits together. I kept seeing "feed my sheep." Then when I went back later and looked at my notes I realized it wasn't written anywhere. The Lord wanted to bring to my attention a message he had given me years ago...

I believe I was feeling the emptiness and lack of love in my marriage...so in my hurt and pain I called out to Jesus..."Do you love me?" Father..."Do you love me?" Then the Lord spoke to my spirit, "Brenda, Do you love me? Feed my sheep." I wanted comforting and he called me to service.

He knew being focused on myself was never going to fill the emptiness and give me the love I desired. He knew as we share God's love it returns back and we learn to love God even more. So, here I am...finally surrendered to the call...finally surrendered to to the journey of healing my heart and sharing the lessons I have learned along the way.

I would love to have you follow along as I begin the "Journey of my Heart."

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see yourself through God's eyes or through the eyes of the world?  Do you see only your imperfections and pain? When people laugh at you, do you allow their opinions to color your self worth? Have you become hard and bitter? If you feel beaten down by the world, remember...in God’s eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance. In God’s eyes, there is no pain too hard to bear nor weakness that can't be overcome.

I know what it is like to be laughed at. I have been sick all my life. One doctor actually said "when God put you together He didn't do a very good job." I wasn't physically, mentally, or psychologically good at sports, so I was always chosen last. I never understand the concept of taunting so I took all the remarks personally which made it even more difficult to relate. I was extremely thin 5' 6" and 98 lbs. Some how people seem to think it is not rude to make fun of you if you are thin. I didn't develop until I was 17 and in college. Horrifying when you are surrounded by voluminous friends.

I have severe digestive problems which makes me very smelly. My stomach is more like a colon. It is long with a pace maker at each end. So when I eat food it just shoots it into my colon without proper digest. Plus I have Celiac disease and lactose intolerance. All these make tremendous amounts of gas. Funny with friends who love you...not so funny when you are a kid and have no understanding of what is going on...or in church with people who are suppose to be "loving." I have had the most awful things said to me in church.

After my husband left me I was devastated. I was so sick I had blood just pouring out of me. I went to church anyway thinking the fellowship would do me good. A guy near me said " my God no wonder her husband left her." I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Interestingly my friend who was sitting right next to me never smelled a thing. Somehow people who love me say they never smell anything. Maybe I am just reacting more to the people who have hateful spirits. My Pastor at the time said this man's smelly spirit was much worse than my smelly body. Anyway, after so many similar experience, I don't attend church anymore. Thankfully, I have a church that has online services.

I know I am not alone. Very few people have escaped the ridicule of others. We all have to face our own imperfections. When you are overwhelmed by the person you see in the mirror, see yourself through God's eyes. In God's eyes we are all the same. God sees you. God cherishes you. God loves you. God sees our light when all we see is darkness. God sees all our potentials. God sees this person who falls, but gives us the power to get up again and again. God sees our pain, but gives us the power to become a person who gets hurt, but does not become hard or bitter; only softer, more loving, more forgiving, more resilient to change.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39


Don't Laugh At Me by Mark Wills

I'm a little boy with glasses, the one they call a geek
a little girl who never smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth
and I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground who is always chosen last
I’m the one who is slower than the others in my class
You don't have to be my friend but is it too much to ask
Don't laugh at me, don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
some day we'll all have perfect Wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm the beggar on the corner
You pass me on the street
I wouldn't be out here begging if I had enough to eat
and don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet
I was born a little different
I do my dreaming from this chair
I pretend it doesn’t hurt me when people point and stare
There’s a simple way to show me just how much you care
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm Fat, I'm thin, I'm Short, I'm tall, I'm deaf, I'm blind
Hey aren't we all
Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

Have you ever felt like you just didn't fit in? Is this all there is? Why am I here, and for what reason? Have you ever wondered why my life seems to just be drifting along without any apparent plan. Does God really care? Does He really know what I am going through? There are times I wonder...there are times I feel like I am just waiting to die.

I believe most of us have experienced some of these at one time or another. Whether it's due to the stress of our fast paced society, sickness or some other form of ordeal, we need to keep this in mind...the devil always wants to get us into the place of despair. Feeling as if there is no hope and that we are the only one that is experiencing this type of anguish.

If you are a born again Christian, then what you are going through may be a partial truth, but it's not the total truth. You may be experiencing great financial trouble, but the Word of God says that He takes pleasure in the prosperity of His servant! Sickness and disease may be ravaging your body, but the Word of God says that by His stripes you were healed!

The Word of God tells us that we have been given favor from the Lord, it's our inheritance as child of God. You may not be experiencing it at this very moment, but you can if you will focus on the total truth and begin to expect favor instead of lack and trouble.

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield." (Psalm 5:11-12)

Remember this truth... If things can go wrong, they can just as easily go right! Each of us has been given a unique and individual purpose that cannot fail if we will cast off fear and stop listening to the lies of the devil. So, shake off that feeling of dread and despair. Get back into fellowship with the Father and put on the garment of praise, because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

"I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:14

When we struggle with pain and suffering it is difficult to believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made, but trust that God had a plan in mind when he formed you. Sometimes I think about what I could accomplish if I had a healthy body and mind. Thinking I might better serve the Lord if I had better abilities.

I would be able to do more, go more, be more; but I suspect it might not be more of what God had planned for me. I suspect God knows that I would be so caught up in my own agenda I would loose site of His perfect will. If I wasn’t forced to be still I wouldn’t be able to hear His voice as clearly.

So, I will rejoice that God has a plan for me, just as I am, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made...made for this life I am living.

Earma Brown asked me to review her book "WOW! Women of Worth." The first thing I noticed was how similar it was to my writings. I began to wonder was she reading my blog...then I realized...it is the same Spirit! Her book is about giving women the tools to become extraordinary. This is what God is trying to get out to His Children, especially women, who have struggled with being significant. The enemy is always trying to get us to believe we are insignificant.

Her book is filled with passages of encouragement and wisdom. She shares insights learned in her journey to become extraordinary and battles she has fought along the way. In a dream, she was fighting the enemy with sticks and ineffective tools. In it she would be beat-up and wounded by snakes, the enemy, attacking her. Then the Holy Spirit spoke to her about the weapons of warfare in Ephesians six and she was able to quench the fiery darts thrown at her and rip the enemy's head off.

I also had a similar dream I wrote about in The Battle. I believe it is a common tactic of the enemy to tempt us into a battle unprepared. He knows when we truly know who we are in Christ and know how to use the weapons God has given us for warfare his defeat is immanent. His only chance is to defeat us while we are weak and unprotected and lack the tools to fight. I recommend her "Women of Worth Series" for anyone looking to become extraordinary using ordinary tools.

I thought that I was ready,
I went marching off to war.

To challenge the mighty serpent,
It was time to even the score.

I thought that I could conquer,
the might of the evil one.

But, my power wasn't strong enough,
I called out for the CHOSEN one.

Then I heard the trumpets calling,
The KING of kings is here.

His left hand held a scepter, the right a mighty sword.
He came in all his glory, to take away my fear.

He said "it's time for battle,"
Your strength is in the sword.

Just ask and you'll receive it,
Put on the whole armor of the Lord.

For those with ears to hear Him,
Let them call upon His name.

He'll give you strength and power,
And take away your fear and shame.

Are you ready for the battle,
To go marching off to war?

We'll challenge the mighty serpent,
With the power to even the score.

~Bren "Ready for Battle"

This poem was based on my experience of being attacked by the enemy. In a vision, I was battling the serpent and all I had was the sword. The serpent just kept getting bigger and bigger and I was standing there unprotected holding him off with my sword knowing my defeat was eminent, humbly, I called out for the Lord.

I saw Jesus coming down from heaven sitting on His throne and dressed in royal garb. He took his sword and anointed me with armor and said now go and fight...it's time for battle. I immediately turned and was able to slice the serpent into pieces. Then He gave me a word for the church and told me to go write "The Calling of the Church" and warn them about the serpent.

The Calling of the Church
~by bren

Beware the mighty serpent,
The darkness without the night.
He comes to deceive the righteous,
And hides them from the light.

Beware the might serpent,
The enemy from within.
He seeks to devour and torture,
And hide us from our sin.

Beware, the mighty serpent,
Disguised as an angel of light.
He strikes those unprotected.
Without the Lord’s strength and might.

Beware, the mighty serpent,
Disguised as the giver of life.
He works to deceive the body,
With unjust accusations and strife.

Beware, the mighty serpent,
His hour is yet to come.
We know not how much time we have,
To prepare for the Chosen one.

We need to prepare. Without God's armor on "the serpent" is going to have you for lunch. It would be nice if Jesus would come down and tap us all and poof we had armor. I know some people will repeatedly quote Ephesians 6:13, but it's not the words, it's the actions. God gave me that vision so I would understand His word is to be applied...that means we have to take action...that it is our responsibility to put the armor on.

We are in the battle and we need to have the Lord's protection and be prepared.