My Disability

After a jaw injury I had vitek proplast-teflon implants placed in my face. They were defective, contaminated, and recalled by the FDA. Not only did the implants fail, but the company used industrial grade Teflon instead of medical grade which contained unknown contaminants.

There is documentation that this company knew these implants would cause devastation of catastrophic proportions. In some people it actually ate through their skull and became embedded in their brain.

Within 3 months the implants had eroded the bones in my face and gone through my bloodstream affecting my entire body causing an autoimmune response. The implants were removed after 5 years, but not before the toxins devastated my body.

I have a lot of pain in my head, neck, back, and arms from the instability and inflamed nerves in my face. I have pain, inflammation, and erosions in various organs especially the digestive system and bladder. The biopsy of my bladder revealed that 3 layers of tissue had been eroded. My thyroid has been removed. I had a breast lumpectomy.

I have constant dizziness and nausea from the vertigo cause by all the damage to the TMJ and surrounding tissue. My entire head is covered in scar tissue from when they removed my face twice and sawed off part of my skull to fit the implants.

I have also been diagnosed with having toxic encephalopathy, severe chemical sensitivity, Trigeminal neuralgia, Autoimmune: thyroiditis - interstitial cystitis - gastritis, Fibromyalgia, and CFS. Several doctors have suspected MS, but I have chosen not to get a muscle biopsy.

I have difficulty walking not only because of the muscular problems, but because my mother had surgery on my feet when I was a teenager after my father was killed in a turbine explosin. They said I might need surgery when I was 40.

In the shock of my Father's tradgic death she was only thinking I have 30 days of insurance...not that I would have my own insurance in my 40's...actually I didn't have insurance in my 40's after my husband left.

Most people find it difficult to believe what I am dealing with since I usually have a smile on my face. Trust me it is far less painful to be joyful than negative, bitter, and focused on your pain.

I choose to be thankful for what I have and not to be complaining about what I do not have or can not do. Yes, there are days I am sad and lonely, days when I am delirious from the pain, days I don’t have the strength to feed myself…let alone make it to the store if I am out of food.

Yet, with all this I choose to be joyful and content in the Lord. For…the joy of the Lord is my strength. Every day is a struggle, but I will continue to praise the Lord.

In His presence there is joy. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is freedom from pain. It’s a choice and even though I might be crying on the outside…in my soul there is joy.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

- Update -

I want to clarify that not all jaw implants have been recalled. Not only did the implants I had fail, but the company used industrial grade Teflon instead of medical grade which contained unknown contaminants. Even though not all jaw implants have been recalled, long term analysis has shown that any implants in the jaw are not an effective solution. The jaw is just too complex of a joint and the face has many complex nerves and functions. My injuries were extensive. This was not just a case of TMJ dysfunction, not to dismiss anyone with this painful condition.

The disk in my right joint was completely dislocated, my face was distorted and the right side of my face wasn't functioning. The pain was so severe they thought I had a brain aneurysm. I spent three years in physical therapy trying to get the disk to relocate. In the meantime, the stress of my right side not working caused the left disk to become completely mutilated. Not only was the surgery considered my only option it was mandatory as part of my Workman's comp settlement. It was recommended by my doctors and physical therapist who were specialist in TMJ disorders. The physical therapist sent me to the same surgeon his wife went to and assured me he was one of the best in the country.

I thought I was making an informed decision. It was before all the documentation came out about the implants. I was young, it's been almost 30 years now, and didn't understand the consequences of foreign body reactions. I also didn't understand, nor did my surgeon I hope, the consequences of putting 8 metal screws into the skull of a person with metal allergies. My surgeon who had performed thousands of these surgeries had never seen anything like what happened to me. My head swelled up like something out of a freak show and I immediately was in severe pain in my lungs, stomach, colon, and bladder...not to mention my joints and muscles. As mentioned before, within 3 months it had completely eroded the mandibular condyles in my face and my neck swelled from autoimmune thyroiditis. I looked like I had the mumps.

I didn't think about having a metal allergy before the surgery. Back then I just assumed doctors always had your best interests in mind. I knew jewelry burned and caused a rash. I never thought about it...I just never wore jewelry. I was also never told they would be putting 8 screws in my skull. I would have thought the surgeon would have noticed I didn't even wear a wedding ring. Years later I contacted a surgeon who was doing reconstructive surgery with titanium implants. The first thing he asked was do I react to metal. When I said yes, he informed me that not only could I not have reconstruction, but I never should have had the original implants, not that they were good for anyone.

Having a metal allergy wasn't the only preexisting condition that complicated my recovery. I had celiac disease, hypoglycemia, and multiple chemical sensitivities. so my body was already set up for a major reaction not only to the implants, but to all the chemicals and drugs I was exposed to. I ended up back in the hospital several times with dehydration because I couldn't eat, drink or keep anything down. I am still terrified of throwing up, because I have too many memories of not being able stop and ending up in the hospital. I am however; grateful I had a preexisting faith in the Lord and loving friends who hold me up in prayer.

The Battle



Where hatred resides,
Let love prevail.
When hatred prevails,
Have love reside.

I awoke to the Lord speaking those words to my spirit one morning. It seems there is so much hatred in the world today, whether it is one race against another, one religion against another, one denomination against another or one believer against another. Even in our own personal life it is so difficult not to respond to hatred with hatred. Our nature wants validation for the injustice we think has been imposed upon us. As if hating them back somehow childishly takes the pain away or evens the score. We need to realize our battle is not against one another...

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:12-13

Our battle is against the powers of the dark world and and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Let us not allow the evil forces to use us as pawns in their battle plans. Instead let us get ready for the real battle. Are you ready for battle?

"to prepare for battle" we need to put to death our earthly nature.

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:5

"to dress for battle" we need to clothe ourselves in what... compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

"to go to battle" we need to walk in love...
before you ever walk out the door or open you mouth or hit send!

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:14

Above all be covered with the aroma of Christ...which is love.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (2 Corinthians 2:14-15)

To respond in love to people who have offended you is difficult merely in the fact that it is a choice, a choice contrary to our nature, contrary to our desires, contrary to our logic. It is however, the very nature of God. So where does that leave us? To choose God is to choose love. Only when we allow God to transform our nature can we truly respond in love. We need to let love prevail and reside in our lives. I believe that love is the most powerful weapon we have against the powers of darkness...
Let Love Prevail!

Ready for Battle 

I thought that I was ready,
I went marching off to war.

To challenge the mighty serpent,
It was time to even the score.

I thought that I could conquer,
the might of the evil one.

But, my power wasn't strong enough,
I called out for the CHOSEN one.

Then I heard the trumpets calling,
The KING of kings is here.

His left hand held a scepter, the right a mighty sword.
He came in all his glory, to take away my fear.

He said "it's time for battle,"
Your strength is in the sword.

Just ask and you'll receive it,
Put on the whole armor of the Lord.

For those with ears to hear Him,
Let them call upon His name.

He'll give you strength and power,
And take away your fear and shame.

Are you ready for the battle,
To go marching off to war?

We'll challenge the mighty serpent,
With the power to even the score.

~Bren

HeartCry



"Is it true the heart doth cry".
"I hope it is" said dry eye.

"I often hear it's desperate plea",
was the response from bended knee.

Again. the mind surprised by this,
"what cause has brought such amiss".

And then the lips said "hold on there,
'twas the heart that always sent me prayer".

Praying hands could not keep quite,
and blurted out, "you can't deny it".

"Oh mind with all your great control,
did you not know the heart speaks for the soul".

By: Preston Pittman

HeartCry started out as an online Life Team for Covenant Church with leaders Brenda and Preston the summer of 2009. We now have a HeartCry blog. Our goal is to discuss matters of the heart and share our heart cries.

Whether your heart is crying out for help in a time of distress or crying out for more of God please feel welcomed to join our discussions as we share and cry out in unity. You are welcomed to join our Group or Page on Facebook.

When your heart cries out to God there is comfort in knowing He is the Father of mercies and God of all comfort. "Blessed 'be' the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort" 2 Cor 1:3

The Word

God has been speaking to my spirit about His Word...the knowledge and awareness that His Word is the very essence of who He is...that it is more than philosophy or wisdom or guidance (which it is), but the very nature of God. It is love letters and correction letters and to do lists that we share with one we have an intimate relationship with. I know wherever His Word is, He is. Still there are times when I want to go my own way and spend my time on other things...so I avoid the Word...because I know all to well the conviction His presence can bring. Yet my soul hungers for His word.

Lately God has been showing me that His Word is fluid. To be fluid is something "that can flow, not solid, able to move and change shape without separating when under pressure....a liquid in the body." So the Word is the life force that flows through the body of Christ. I believe the internet is a perfect forum for God's Word... because it flows. I think there is something powerful with this. God's Word...His presence being sent out into the air waves 24/7...I believe as Christians we should be posting His Word whenever and wherever possible!

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds;tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home,and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates,so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the landthat the Lord swore to give your forefathers," Deuteronomy 11:18-21

About Me

Most of my life was spent raising my three children. I was a stay-at-home mom for 22 years and have been divorced for 15. My daughter, was a rehabilitation therapist before she was diagnosed with cancer. She is married to a firefighter/paramedic. They have two daughters. My oldest son enjoys traveling around the world and works on generators. My youngest son works in New Media.

After my divorce I tried to pursue a Masters in Computer Education. I have a Bachelor of Science from Indiana University. My goal was to equip adults with the technical skills necessary for returning to the modern workplace. Unfortunately, I became too ill to continue in the Masters program. After years of struggle it became necessary for me go on disability. I live with constant pain and illness.

I had vitek proplast-teflon implants placed in my face after a jaw injury . They were defective, contaminated, and recalled by the FDA. There is documentation that this company knew these implants would cause devastation of catastrophic proportions. In some people it actually ate through their skull and became imbedded in their brain. Within 3 months the implants had eroded the bones in my face and gone through my bloodstream affecting my entire body causing an autoimmune response. The implants were removed after 5 years, but not before the toxins devastated my body.

Most people find it difficult to believe what I am dealing with since I usually have a smile on my face. Trust me it is far less painful to be joyful than negative, bitter, and focused on your pain. I choose to be thankful for what I have and not to be complaining about what I do not have or can not do. Yes, there are days I am sad and lonely, days when I am delirious from the pain, days I don’t have the strength to feed myself…let alone make it to the store if I am out of food.

Yet, with all this I choose to be joyful and content in the Lord. For…the joy of the Lord is my strength. Every day is a struggle, but I will continue to praise the Lord. In His presence there is joy. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is freedom from pain. Even though life is a struggle, I know I can endure when I am walking close to God through His son Jesus Christ. That is where I find peace, that is where I find love, and that is where I find contentment. I might be crying on the outside, but in my soul there is joy...

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

I try to blog and share when I have the strength. I write two blogs, Bren's Blog and Journey of the Heart. I contribute on HeartCry.

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