Journey of the Heart ~♥~

Once my sorrow was for the pain
Of all I stood to lose and yet my sin remained.
This sorrow, born of my pain,
Kept my heart from turning back to Him again.

Now my sorrow is for the sin
That gives offense to God and stains my soul within.
This sorrow of godly pain
Hopes I never give offense to Him again.

Sorrow for my sin brings my soul such pain.
Yet this pain I know
can lead my soul
back to Him again.

Godly sorrow became the start
Of the path that led to a mighty change of heart.
This sorrow out of love
Helps me find the way back to His home above.

Sorrow for my sin
brings my soul such pain.
Yet this pain I know
can lead my soul back to Him again.

"We are about to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior... and don't you know that while He was born, God and all of heaven were celebrating... but there was also a great burden that night too. The Cross... the most terrible thing to endure... but the very purpose of His coming... the eternal focus even before His coming that weighed upon God's heart. Mmmm... I think we can afford both expressions this Christmas and bless our Father!" Preston Pittman.

There is a side of love that must be shown.
The side that leaves with us a silent moan.

We should not hide this love so deep.
The side I mean that makes us weep.

For what is love so sweet and nice.
That we could give without sacrifice.

Of course the love that's from the heart,
is meant for joy right from the start.

But woven deep within it's passion,
a blood was poured into it's fashion.

This side of love we give is not for loss...
It's rooted in and from the cross.

By: Preston Pittman "This Side Of Love"

Our sorrow can never compare to the pain of the cross or the sorrow God feels over lost souls. Yes, we can express both the joy and the sorrow, but through our sorrow we can touch the heart of God. It is a communion of love, of Him reaching down and touching our pain and our reaching up with a broken and contrite heart.

I have tried to understand the pain that God must feel over His lost children. There have been times when I have felt God’s sorrow. Those are the times when sorrow can just grab a hold of you and transform you. Godly sorrow is a powerful manifestation of the presence of God that touches hearts and draws them into a glimpse of the pain sin brings to the heart of God.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done..." 2 Corinthians 7:10-11

There are so many wounded warriors in the body of Christ. We walk around bleeding, limping, and sometimes even taken out. The enemy knows just where you are vulnerable and the weapons to take you out. Sometimes he doesn't even have to keep attacking, just get you weak enough to self destruct. Then you react to every negative and even positive word. I had a difficult time with Preston's comments on my last post. My first thought was "who you talking about." Then I thought how kind, he is just being nice, but I know Preston is not a liar. The truth is, it has been said to me before. The truth is, I am not feeling much like a warrior these days nor taken to many spiritual depths. The truth is, I am a wounded warrior.

"I know, often, our conversations are "all over the map"... hehe, but I never forget where we went. The things you share at times amaze me for the spiritual depths they take me. Even, Envious at times, because The Spirit had not given to "me" such depth... of which I repented of course... but burdened too, that the enemy was able to bind your amazing expressiveness from the body (Church). Yet, in my prayers for my very good friend, there was ALWAYS a confidence... a peace, which surpasses all understanding. And so, I was thankful for what I had to wait to see. And here it is... Friends, get ready to be blessed by our Father, through this warrior... my friend... Brenda." Preston Pittman

The truth is, Preston sees what God sees in me, not what the enemy is saying, not what my flesh is saying. I became a wounded warrior because I was listening to the wrong source. The enemy tried to make me feel disqualified because of everything wrong with me. My flesh tried to disqualify me because I didn't have the strength to endure or mental ability to converse. To disqualify means "to deprive of a power, right, or privilege" Webster. By listening to the enemy and my flesh I was deprived of power, right, and privilege. The truth is, I am only qualified in Christ. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit I am able to do anything.

I realized persevering wasn't just about pushing through and writing in pain. I tried that...had a list of things I wanted to cover...had notes of many things I had already taught. I snuggled up with my laptop in bed. Propped up my arms on pillows...had hot packs on my neck, shoulders, and back. Got my Bible, notes, and Kleenexes on the other side of the bed. Nothing but words and goobledegook. If it didn't speak to me it wasn't going to speak to anyone else. So I learned, Perseverance was waiting on The Lord. Waiting on what He wanted me to share. So, dear friends, this morning it was about wounded warriors.

^"9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, ¹⁰ so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹² and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³ For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." Colossians 1:9-14

Preston has started a Bible Study covering Colossians on our HeartCry blog. There is also a page on Facebook: Colossians.

Do you believe that anything less than perfect is unacceptable? Are you compulsively working toward impossible goals. Is your self worth valued on your accomplishments or those of your children's and spouse? Maybe you are a closeted perfectionist...hidden behind procrastination and self deprecation. Do you suffer from analysis paralysis.

Then my friend..."you might be a Perfectionist."

I have known I was a perfection...liked everything in symmetry...ok...maybe a little OCD. I thought of it as a good thing. I didn't realize the bondage it was keeping me in by not writing because I couldn't express myself "perfectly." Granted I had a valid excuse of being in a lot of pain, hands and arms vibrating with spasms, and a brain so foggy it is like driving in a constant storm. It would take me hours to unravel goobledegook.

I told myself it didn't matter. What did I really have to say anyway. Bottom line it is not about what I have to say...it is about what God has to say and Christ in me. There have been so many lessons the Holy Spirit has put on my heart. I would discuss a few with Preston and think..."I will put that down when I feel better." Well...feel better never came...feel better may never come. Maybe that is the greater lesson. The lesson of perseverance in adversity. I never understood that people could be blessed even with a lesson that is less than perfect.

There has been a lot of talk about the new Michael Jackson album from a compilation of songs he had worked on before his death. Some people say it shouldn't have been made public because it wasn't up to Michael's perfectionist standards. Now, I was never a Michael Jackson fan, but I have heard some of the new releases and they sound pretty good to me. I am sure his fans will enjoy them. I am sure they are not perfect, but sometimes things can be more "perfect" in their imperfections.

God has not called us to perfectionism. He alone is perfect. I believe we should pursue excellence...to the best of our abilities. There was one in the Bible who was a "perfectionist." His name was Lucifer. He saw imperfect man as unacceptable. He worked toward the impossible goal of being God. His self worth was based on his accomplishments. This is what God did to him...

"Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth; I made a spectacle of you before kings" Ezekiel 28:17.

So, lest I continue on in more perfectionism...I will post this with all its imperfection.

In heavenly armor we'll enter the land
The battle belongs to the Lord
No weapon that's fashioned against us shall stand
The battle belongs to the Lord

We sing glory and honor
Power and strength to the Lord
(repeat)

The power of darkness comes in like a flood
The battle belongs to the Lord
He's raised up a standard, the power of His blood
The battle belongs to the Lord

When your enemy presses in hard do not fear
The battle belongs to the Lord
Take courage my friend, your redemption is near
The battle belongs to the Lord

(Jamie Owens-Collins)

Yes, the battle belongs to the Lord, but if you read the first stanza "In heavenly armor we'll enter the land." Before we enter "the land" we must be clothed in Christ and in His "heavenly armor." Without your armor you will not be protected and be vulnerable to attacks from the enemy.

I have had my share of injuries and been fodder for the devil. The poem I wrote "Ready for Battle" was based on my experience of being attacked by the enemy. In a vision, I was battling the serpent and all I had was the sword. The serpent just kept getting bigger and bigger and I was standing there unprotected holding him off with my sword knowing my defeat was eminent, then I called out...Jesus...help!

I saw Jesus coming down from heaven sitting on His throne and dressed in royal garb. He took his sword and anointed me with armor and said now go and fight...it's time for battle. I immediately turned and was able to slice the serpent into pieces. I learned without God's armor on "the serpent" is going to have you for lunch.

It would be nice if Jesus would come down and tap us all and poof we had armor. I know some people will repeatedly quote Ephesians 6:13, but it's not the words, it's the actions. God gave me that vision so I would understand without the "full" armor of God the serpent is going to have you for lunch. Since then I have been studying to understand the weapons of our warfare. As we continue in Ephesians we will learn more about our heavenly armor.

I have always loved Willow trees. As a child I spent many hours nestled under the branches of our big old Willow tree. The branches cascaded to the ground leaving a wonderful cavern around the truck for tea parties and baby dolls. I mostly felt safe sheltered under the shade of Willow's gentle flowing arms. I remember, even as a very young child, being awed by a row of Willows near a creek. They were so graceful as they swayed with the wind and reached out with their roots to grasp the flowing water.

I still feel that connection with the Willow. I believe many times I am underestimated...like a Willow. The Willow gives the appearance of being weak and fragile. The trunk is small and the branches are thin. It is not until a storm blows that you see the strength of the Willow. The thin truck is pliable and the branches move and stretch with the wind. Ever bending, never breaking. However, the real strength of the Willow lies underneath. As thin as it is on top, it is as deep underneath. The roots of the willow run long and wide, holding the willow in place during the attacks from the violent storms.

Like a Willow my strength comes from being deeply rooted in Christ's Love. "Stand firm and be deeply rooted in His love" Eph 3:17. Ever growing and reaching for water...the living water of Christ. "They are strong, like a tree planted by a river" Psalm 1:3. Like a Willow I choose to bend and not break when the raging storm of life's challenges come my way. I choose to look for Jesus in the midst of my storm.

There are many storms raging around me lately. We are still waiting for my daughter's pathology report. The last one went from here, to Chicago, to Mayo because they were not sure if it was Melanoma. I suspect this one is making the same route. It looks like I might have had a mild heart attack a few weeks ago. My EKG was abnormal and I will be seeing a cardiologist Wednesday. It is getting more and more difficult to get around, but I will choose to look for Jesus.

He is there to give me shelter from the storm.He is there giving me the strength to make it another day. He is there as the Holy Spirit inspires me in the Word. He is there in the comfort and guidance of a friend. You just need look to see Him. "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Luke 11:10

In a field, there was an oak at one end, and a willow-tree at the other. Whenever a wind moved through the field, the willow swayed in the wind, while the oak remained unmoved. When this happened, the willow said to itself, “I wish I was as strong as the Oak, instead of bending over with every breeze“ then one day a large windstorm whipped through the field.

When the storm passed, and the darkness lifted, the willow looked across the field, and was shocked to discover that the oak was laying on the ground, broken. When the Gardener came into the field, the willow said, “Oh sir, what happened to the Oak? How is it that I survived the storm, weak as I am, and the Oak fell?”

The Gardener said, “Oh little willow-tree, do you not understand what happened? When the winds blow, you bend with them, while the oak remains still. So when a really powerful wind comes along, you can bend with the wind, and survive it. But the Oak cannot bend, and so if the wind is strong enough, it will break. For the Oak had a secret, a weakness within that no one looking at the outside could see. And the Gardener went on his way, leaving the willow to ponder what he said.

Moral: Strength within and strength without are not the same, and one should cultivate strength within first. Also, when the winds of life blow, bend, and you may survive the real storms when they come. Try and resist them, and when the real storms come, you may break instead.

VERY often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still. It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age. The trunk has been split, and out of the crevice grass and brambles grow. The tree bends for-ward slightly, and the branches hang quite down to the ground just like green hair. Corn grows in the surrounding fields, not only rye and barley, but oats,—pretty oats that, when ripe, look like a number of little golden canary-birds sitting on a bough. The corn has a smiling look and the heaviest and richest ears bend their heads low as if in pious humility.

Once there was also a field of buckwheat, and this field was exactly opposite to old willow-tree. The buckwheat did not bend like the other grain, but erected its head proudly and stiffly on the stem. “I am as valuable as any other corn,” said he, “and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?” And the willow-tree nodded his head, as if he would say, “Indeed I do.” But the buckwheat spread itself out with pride, and said, “Stupid tree; he is so old that grass grows out of his body.”

There arose a very terrible storm. All the field-flowers folded their leaves together, or bowed their little heads, while the storm passed over them, but the buckwheat stood erect in its pride. “Bend your head as we do,” said the flowers.
“I have no occasion to do so,” replied the buckwheat.

“Bend your head as we do,” cried the ears of corn; “the angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy.”

“But I will not bend my head,” said the buckwheat.

“Close your flowers and bend your leaves,” said the old willow-tree. “Do not look at the lightning when the cloud bursts; even men cannot do that. In a flash of lightning heaven opens, and we can look in; but the sight will strike even human beings blind. What then must happen to us, who only grow out of the earth, and are so inferior to them, if we venture to do so?”

“Inferior, indeed!” said the buckwheat. “Now I intend to have a peep into heaven.” Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames.

When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning. The branches of the old willow-tree rustled in the wind, and large water-drops fell from his green leaves as if the old willow were weeping.

Then the sparrows asked why he was weeping, when all around him seemed so cheerful. “See,” they said, “how the sun shines, and the clouds float in the blue sky. Do you not smell the sweet perfume from flower and bush? Wherefore do you weep, old willow-tree?” Then the willow told them of the haughty pride of the buckwheat, and of the punishment which followed in consequence.

This is the story told me by the sparrows one evening when I begged them to relate some tale to me.

Hans Christian Andersen (1842)