Journey of the Heart ~♥~

I was watching Grey's Anatomy "Shiny Happy People" on hulu.com and starting thinking about the insanity of chronic pain. A young girl was brought into the hospital because she tried to scratch her eyes out and commit suicide. She was in so much pain and delirium they thought she was Schizophrenic. It turned out she had pressure induced vertigo from a small hole in her inner ear causing her to hear every sound in her body and every sound outside her body was magnified.

Living with chronic pain is not only an assault on your body it is an assault on your mind. The un-relentless torture of agony, limitations, and lack of understanding brings many people to utter despair. It makes you want to scratch your eyes, tear your hair, or blow your brains out. The mind is more fragile than your body and without a strong faith it is almost impossible to maintain. Even then, it is almost impossible to continue without prayer support. Moses needed Joshua and Aaron to hold his arms up when he was too weak to carry on. And so people with chronic pain need to reach out.

Dear Friends, I am reaching out in the mist of my insanity and pain asking for prayer...asking for help...asking for understanding. It is so difficult for me to write and yet that is the very thing God keeps calling me to do. He keeps giving me all these messages to share and they are stuck in my brain...stuck with a body too painful to spend time on the computer...stuck with fingers that keep typing gobble de goop. I pray to heal my body or stop asking me to write...and He has chosen neither. He simple spoke to my spirit and explained you are here to learn to completely rely upon Me.

It is only by His Grace and with His Anointing I am able write anything. Without His Anointing it is like driving in the mist of a raging storm. You can barely see the road, but somehow with prayer manage to get to your destination. Yes, you got to where you were going, but not without a lot of stress and very slowly. Sometimes you just have to stop, pull over, and wait for the storm to pass. That is what my brain is like, dear friends, and my storm never passes. I am grateful for His Anointing. I am grateful I have these moments of lucidity, but I would love to be able to function day to day and just simply chat with my friends.

I have learned to have a grateful and positive perspective. I am being REAL. When you have everything taken away from you it is a choice how you are going to respond. I choose to be thankful for what I have and not to be complaining about what I do not have or can not do. Yes, there are days I am sad and lonely, days when I am delirious from the pain, days I don’t have the strength to feed myself…let alone make it to the store if I am out of food. Yet, with all this I choose to be joyful and content in the Lord. For…the joy of the Lord is my strength. Every day is a struggle, but I will continue to praise the Lord.

In His presence there is joy. In His presence there is peace. In His presence there is freedom from pain. It’s a choice and even though I might be crying on the outside…in my soul there is joy.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Where hatred resides,
Let love prevail.
When hatred prevails,
Have love reside. 

I awoke to the Lord speaking those words to my spirit one morning. It seems there is so much hatred in the world today, whether it is one religion against another, one denomination against another or one believer against another. Even in our own personal life it is so difficult not to respond to hatred with hatred.

Our nature wants validation for the injustice we think has been imposed upon us. As if hating them back somehow childishly takes the pain away or evens the score. You might think I don't hate, but how do you behave when someone cuts in front of you, is rude and inconsiderate, when you are just plain tired and no one seems to care. If you are not responding in love, you are responding in hate.

To respond in love is difficult merely in the fact that it is a choice, a choice contrary to our nature, contrary to our desires, contrary to our logic. It is however, the very nature of God. So where does that leave us? To choose God is to choose love. To choose to overcome the pain of our rejection and draw in those that shut you out. It is so easy to forget that we are the ones drawing the circle around our own life, not anyone else. Therefore, we can choose to make our circle as small or large as we want it to be.

"He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win
We drew a circle that took him in."
-Edwin Markham, Outwitted

One time I passed a person who had been particularly cruel to me and I cried out to God "How can you expect me to love these people." I was overwhelmed by His response. He merely spoke to my spirit and said, "How can you expect me not to love them." Then I realized that to know God is to love His beloved. For where hatred resides there is all manner of evil things.

We need to realize our battle is not against individuals, but a spirit of hate, not only in the world, but our very nature. Only when we allow God to transform our nature can we respond in love. We need to let love prevail and reside in our lives. I don't think we comprehend how powerful love can be, nor what it actual should be! I truly believe that love is the most powerful weapon we have against the powers of darkness.

The problem is that we have to learn what it is and how to weld it. God has been trying to teach me, it has been difficult, but I am learning. I believe Love is about treating people with honor and respect unconditionally, even when they are not loveable. Not sardonically saying "I love you with the love of Christ", then walking away and act unloving.

Love can't operate in un-forgiveness, anger, strife, jealousy, lust, or anything contrary to the love of God. Right now God is teaching me how critical it is to have control over what I say. I believe a significant aspect of love is expressed by our words; therefore, it is imperative that they be under the control of God. As anything, once you learn something you can only grow if you continue to practice it.

"Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud,
It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
Always trusts,
Always hopes,
Always perseveres."
1Corinthians 13:1-7

Where [a place] hatred [hate-bad temper, to trouble, to dislike or wish to avoid; hatred-a state, condition/strong dislike or ill will] resides [to dwell for a long time, to be vested, have rights, powers], Let [implies power or authority to give or deny consent] love [a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons, a feeling of brotherhood and goodwill toward other people] prevail [be strong, gain the advantage, victory, be more widespread], When [a time] hatred prevails, Have [to own or control, gain possession or control] love reside. 

The love that was lost in the evening time,
Shall be restored again.
The burned out candle in the night,
Shall be ignited again.

To wander through the darkness,
Only draws us closer to Him.
The Love that never leaves us,
The Light that is never dim.

So...Take comfort in the knowledge,
Of His enduring Grace.
To be there right beside us,
To shine upon our face.

by~bren